- fortunately: used to indicate that something that could have been difficult or disastrous is luckily not so
- willingly: with willingness
- in happy way: in a pleased, contented, or joyful way
I’ve been thinking about writing for a while now, really since my last entry. I have several posts started and I haven’t hit publish. I’m not sure why. Well, I know why, it is because I’m not sure I’m ready to make them public. Not yet. They are sitting here, I read them often … and I just haven’t hit publish. When I’m ready, when the posts are ready, I will publish them.
This evening my son asked me if I have stopped ThinkingWords. I said no and asked him why he asked me. He said that I haven’t talked about it at all lately and he hasn’t heard any of my friends talking about it. It made me think, he is (almost, like super almost because his birthday is Sunday) nine-years-old and he knows that I haven’t talked about my blog. That means I really need a post. I need to post so that he hears me talking about my blog. He knows I love this blog, it’s a part of me. I am proud of it. In fact, I’ve told both of my kids that I have ThinkingWords because of my love of writing and my desire to make a difference. I want to make a difference in the world. I am making a difference. My kids know I love ThinkingWords, but more importantly, they know when there is something that you love, you should do it. They know you should follow your heart.
I had to make an entry today, I had to for my son. After all, I tell my kids to never stop doing what they love. Follow their dreams. I tell my kids the same things that you tell your kids. After all, we’re parents, that is what we do. We encourage and support our children. Sometimes I think we encourage and support our children (or other people in our lives) more than we encourage and support ourselves.
So, I asked him, what word would he write about. His response, “happily” – what a great word. See, this is how ThinkingWords is supposed to work, something happens so small, but is really so big, that I can’t ignore it and must write about it – today it is my son who was big, he inspired me to write, and I will write about happily. This word sits well with me for so many reasons. I will happily write about happily because my son is big today. Today he is so big that it makes me happily – happily is bigger than happy – it’s HUGE happy. He makes me happily because today he showed me that he is making a difference in the world too. He has the ability to encourage someone (me) to do something (write) because he knows it will make me happily happy. That is big, that is huge. That is AMAZING.
First, I must say that I asked him what happily met to him and his response was:
- Snuggling with me
- Being with his friends
- His parents being nice to him (focus on nice parents because after all he is almost nine and there are times when we aren’t nice in his eyes)
- Dogs playing
He then took back the dogs playing statement and said well, maybe not because when dogs play happily sometimes people think they are fighting. It was an interesting comment he made. We talked about it a bit more and it got me thinking about perceptions. Isn’t that it, life is just about perceptions? I like the picture with this entry – are the dogs playing happily? Or not? I think they are playing happily.
I haven’t posted an entry because I was worried, worried that no one would care what I had to say. Worried because so many “happily” things have happened in my life since I’ve posted last. And, the “happily” things seemed weird to post after I posted hole. To go from dark to light seemed awkward.
I read a lot of blogs, seriously a lot. And, most of the time, I read about people going through struggles in their lives or frustrating times. It is rare (it does happen sometimes) but it is rare to read a blog that just talks about someone being “happily” happy. You’ll get mention of happy but rarely is it pure “happily”. And, yes, I realize I’m making up the use of “happily” but I think you get my point – “happily” is more than happy, it’s pure happiness at its fullest. Here is what I’ve been holding back on – judge me if you will but read what I have to say first.
I made change good – change made me good. At the end of November I made a huge change in my life. I quit my job. With full support of my husband, I quit. The reasons why I quit aren’t important, that isn’t a story to share here. But I quit and honestly it was the best decision, and probably on of the biggest decisions, that I’ve made, that we’ve made, in a while. I had a great job, high salary and tons of flexibility. Yet, I wasn’t happy. People thought I was crazy for not being happy – several people said that they couldn’t believe I wasn’t happy because my job was great. The thing is, my job was great. But as great as it was, I wasn’t happy. Someone said I was delusional for quiting my job. Several told me that I put my family at jeopardy giving up my income. They didn’t realize that I truly quit with full, I mean full, support of my husband. They didn’t realize that I wanted to be happy, I wanted my life to be happily happy. And, because I believe so many people stay in their jobs unhappily, it was foreign that I would quit because I was unhappy. But I did, I quit.
And for the last 2 1/2 months, I have truly been more happy than I could have ever imagined. I am not in the least bit delusional. I am not irresponsible. I am brave. I have courage. I have been happily happy and today I am just realizing, I mean really realizing, how happily happy I have been during these last couple of months. See, over the last couple of months, I decided to focus on me, my family and my life. I decided to LIVE MY LIFE HAPPILY. There was really no one telling me what to do or not do. Yes, my husband and I had conversations about options but still there wasn’t someone making decisions for us or about us. We were in control of our family. I was in control of my life.
Being in control of your life makes you instantly more happy, but I am not sure we realize this at the moment. Because, at least more me, getting full control of my life meant changing – like big huge change. Job quiting change. For you it might be your job, or maybe moving or changing your relationship status. See, I think, that many of us are unhappily living and we are too scared to make a change. Change is huge. Change is scary. Change is big. But, change is GOOD. Change is amazing. Change makes us happily happy.
I didn’t go without total work after quiting my job. I picked up some project work. And, I met some amazing people, more people than I could have ever imagined meeting. I went to a certification program to enhance my knowledge. I did real stuff to keep me in the job market. But, I did more than that – I lived my life. I hung out with friends – lots of friends who made me laugh, who listened to my fears, who even let me cry a few times. I hung out with my husband – we talked alot – about life and the important stuff in life. I hung out with my kids. I played with my kids. I gave them real attention. I spoiled my kids with love.
I did no spending January and we did it. Since I never gave an update, I will now. I can happily say that our expenses in the month of January were lower than they have been in three years. My husband confirmed this. My kids didn’t suffer greatly. They didn’t throw fits. They went without new toys and I went without new clothes and those super cute pillows that I mentioned in determination. We made our goal and that was big. It makes me happily happy to know that we accomplished what we set out to accomplish.
In my happily state of being it allowed for things to happen. Things that I’m not sure I could have ever planned or even been open to have happen. I made myself available for happily things to happen but at the time I would have never said that was what I was doing. I can’t explain it in any other way but the fact that for the last 2 1/2 months I was just me. The good, the bad, the whatever, I was just me. And by being me it made life so much easier and it made me feel happily happy.
There were some bumps, there are always bumps during big change. There were some scary times and some times that I seriously questioned if I did the right thing. But the bumps are so small looking back on them (although they felt huge at the time). Bumps are often huge when you’re going through them and then after they’ve passed they might not be as big as you think. Or maybe they ended up being BIGGER than you think and when they past you are so grateful and proud to have made it through them. Maybe my bumps were bigger than I want to admit. I’m not sure. But, I do know this: I have had bumps in the last few months and I have had REALLY big bumps in the last several years. And, I have made it through them .. all of them. I am happily happy for having gone through them. I truly am.
I went to coffee with a friend this morning. She congratulated me on my new job. Yes, I have a full-time job again. A super cool job. Remember the leaders that I referenced in fantastic? Well, guess what? I work for the same company as those AMAZING leaders. Yes, I do. How freaking cool is that? It’s happily cool. My friend said that I’m one of those “big wigs” now. Yes, that is how cool my new job is, although I’m not a “big wig” I am still me. Not little me, but ME. Remember after chance – there is no “little me” anymore. Only ME. I told my friend that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side and that there is a part of me that wants to be her, she is the “big wig”. She doesn’t work full-time, she doesn’t have to work full-time. There is a part of me that wants that. She is “big wig” but sometimes I don’t think she remembers that. Sometimes my dear, dear friend forgets just how freaking amazingly awesome she is. For you, my friend, remember you are a “big wig” too, you truly are.
I love this friend I was with today. She is so real, unbelieveable real. Everyone should have a friend like her. She tells you, openly, the not-so-fun parts of life, of marriage, of parenting. But she also celebrates the good, the amazing, the happily happy parts of life. She reminded me today, that happily ever after does exist … but that happily ever after is different for each of us.
Happily ever after does exist. Do you hear me? Happily ever after does exist. Say it, please. HAPPILY EVER AFTER DOES EXIST! But, happily ever after is different, so different for each of us. We can’t judge. We can’t compare. We can’t tell people what to do. Your story isn’t my story. My story isn’t yours. Life has some bad, I mean really bad, times in it. We need each other for the bad times. We should have connection and support during the bad times. It is comforting to read or hear about other people’s bad and tough times – it makes us, well, it makes me, feel normal. But, life has so many amazingly, wonderful, happily happy times too. Let’s share these stories. Let’s connect around these happily happy moments. Let’s really support our friends, our families, all of us ,to be happily happy.
Like I said, you might judge me and I hope that you don’t. I hope that you can see that I’m not bragging or flaunting or doing anything with negative intention (that is really where my mind goes around judgment of me for this post). I am just being those puppies – happily playing, For me, I’m happily playing through my life and right now, at least, I am celebrating being happily happy. Because, I made change sooooo good that it’s impossible not to celebrate this feeling.
Change is good. It really, truly can be good – even if it is scary. Change is good. Make change good. I did. You will too. And, no matter what, just remember .. Happily ever after does exist, it’s just different for each of us, and it might even be different than what you thought or think it is. Happily is possible, just ask my son. He is amazingly smart.