Magic

Magic [majjik]
  1. conjuring tricks: conjuring tricks and illusions that make apparently impossible things seem to happen, usually performed as entertainment
  2. inexplicable things: a special, mysterious, or inexplicable quality, talent, or skill
  3. supposed supernatural power: a supposed supernatural power that makes impossible things happen or gives somebody control over the forces of nature.

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I need some magic today. I really do. I need magic to magically clean my house, it’s a huge mess. I need magic to get the laundry folded, there is a ton of it.  I need magic to magically give me the answers on what to do (or not do) to be a good Mom. I need magic today to move back time for a redo. I met a friend for coffee last week, he mentioned that his favorite word is magic. Immediately after he said it, I thought magic is a terrific word. It truly is. Say it out loud, it’s a fun word to say … Magic.

Make magical moments is what I took from the conversation with my friend. Make magical moments,  I continue to say to myself ever since we met for coffee on Friday. Making magical moments is really not an easy thing to do. Just read the definition, it’s kind of hard to make magical moments.

Today I failed at making magical moments. I had a tough situation with my kids, well, really my son. My kids are young, first and third grade, and while they are really good kids we have the typical first and third grade struggles. My son, the third grader, is going through a phase where he believes he knows way more about everything than I do. For the record, he does know a lot more than I do on some things, like third grade math for example. But, I also still know more than he does on quite a few things. So, it becomes a struggle. Sometimes I choose not to struggle, sometimes I choose to engage in the struggle. Today was a day that I decided to engaged in the struggle. He is out this evening doing something really fun with his Grandparents, yet they will be outside all evening, so the struggle was around him having to wear warm clothes tonight. Specifically, me not allowing him to wear shorts and also requiring him to wear a sweatshirt, winter jacket, hat and gloves. It is cold outside, very cold, and it is raining with talks of light snow showers. I’m not trying to be unreasonable, I’m trying to keep my baby warm and dry. And, while he might not wear the jacket, hat and gloves all evening, I wanted him to have them with him, just in case he needed them. Same rules went for my daughter too. Although, my son didn’t like my rules, he decided to fight me and well, let’s just say the end of this situation was not good. The magical moment of leaving to do something fun was anything but magical. It was horrible, for both of us.

I did what most parents would do, I tried to work through the situation by giving him space, calming him down and defusing the situation rather than infusing it. I gave him space. His face was sad. My heart was sad. It is the worse feeling ever to upset your child. Its a tough reality when your child is mad at you. I thought to myself, this is really silly, he is mad over me telling him he had to dress warm. Anyone with common sense knows you should dress warm when it is cold outside, I continued to think. Then I stopped those thoughts, and tried to remember what it was like to be an 8-year-old kid. I remember parts and don’t remember other parts about being eight. I do remember getting to the phase where my parents knew nothing. I remember thinking I was way, I mean way smarter, than they ever were. I remember thinking this for several, several, several years to be honest.

All of the sudden over about a five-minute time-frame, my son’s life flashed before me. All the magical moments of having a baby, then a toddler, then Kindergarten. All the firsts. The feeling that when he was younger he just adored his Mommy. These thoughts were replaced with my reality that in that very moment, my child while, I do believe loves me, didn’t want to love me. He didn’t want to listen to me. He didn’t want my advice. He wanted to be far, far away from me. He wouldn’t even look at me. He wanted to do it his way, right or wrong, he wanted his freedom, his independence. He wanted to be detached from me and be more grounded in himself – his beliefs, his desires. He wanted to be in control. All of this at 8-years-old is a lot for, me, his Mom, to handle. It really is. I can see the teenage years just right around the corner. It excites me, but it scares me more. I really does scare me.

So, back to magic. I really want magic today. I want the ability to magically stop time. I want the ability to magically redo the situation with my son. I want to magically make us get through the challenging parts of a parent-child relationship so that we can relish in the unbelievable amazing parents of a parent-child relationship. I want to magically keep the love between us alive so even in the moments when he doubts my love, he will also know it is there. I want to magically make it warm outside so that we don’t argue about him wearing or not wearing shorts. Yet, I know that even magic can’t change the weather in the middle of December. I want to magically make life easier, for the two of us, but really all of us.

My son and I will make it through this situation, we will. It was pretty much resolved by the time I dropped him off to start the evening with his Grandparents. But, I know there will be more tough times. There will be more tough times with him, and with my daughter. There will be tough times down the road with everyone I know, my husband, my friends, my colleagues. I know that tough times in relationships are a given. It’s not that I want these times, I just know they are part of life, part of relationships. We all have challenging moments. So, during the tough times, remember magic. We might not always have magical moments. But, we do have the ability to find some supernatural power to make it through the most unbelievable, super tough moments in life. Whether they be moments with our children, our friends, our spouses or whomever. And when we find the supernatural power to make it through these challenging times, well, according to the definition that is magic.

May you find your magic today and everyday.

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