Choice

1. act of choosing something or somebody: a decision to choose one thing, person, or course of action in preference to others
2. power to choose: the chance or ability to choose between different things
3. selection of things: a variety of things, people, or possibilities from which to choose

I debated if the word should be choice or control – both of these words are really hitting home for me right now. I opted for the word choice. This word has come up in my life, in some random and not-so-random ways lately. Comments like,

• “You have the right to choose”
• “Make a choice and stick with it” 
• “Make a choice and you have the right to change your mind”
• “You can make a choice to start your day over again at anytime”
• “Why do you have to make a choice right now?

This list goes on forever regarding how many questions I’ve been asked lately that have the word choice (or choose) in it. I seriously could add an equal number of comments that have the word control in them as well. Which is probably why both of these words are top of mind right now and no matter how much I try, it’s really hard to separate them tonight. I’ve been reminded several times that I can’t control others, their feelings, their actions and their decisions. Although I can’t control others, I can control my feelings, actions and decisions. I have the right to make a choice that when someone upsets me I can make the choice to not let that ruin my day. And then I find myself once again hearing the word, that word, choice. 

Maybe it’s pathetic, but I’ve learned a valuable lesson recently, truly learned that I do have a right to make a choice. Not about things like will I get married, will I have children, what do I want to do for my career, where do we want to raise or family, what type of clothes do I want – all of these choices have been things I’ve always known I had the right to choose (well I made choices about a few of these with my husband). I’m talking more about choices about whether or not someone else will impact me. There was a situation this week were someone really upset set me. Typically I’d let that get to me for days and days and days. I’d get so wrapped up in the fact that they are upset that it would almost drive me insane. I opted not to get so wrapped up in the situation and made a choice not to let it ruin my day.  While I still care about the person and the situation, I’m now disconnected from it and it feels really good. I’m not saying I’m perfect, but it has been a great learning for me -truly choosing my own emotion and reaction to someone else’s situation. This isn’t coming from a place of being self-centered or self-focused, it’s coming from a place of being healthy.

Here’s what else I’ve learned about choices – emotional choices:

• Discovering we really do have choices happens at different times of our lives for each of us.
• Some of us find it extremely easy to make choices; others find it more difficult – neither is better or worse.
• When we make choices, we rarely make the wrong choice for us (unless we’re harming someone or doing something illegal – those don’t count here).
• Emotions don’t make choices for us; our head makes choices.
• It is important that we teach our children  the skills to make choices, their own choices – emotional choices.

There are a lot of other things I’ve learned about choices that I find fascinating, but I think I’ll stop here for now. Maybe this was all obvious and known for you, but I wanted to share as it’s been a great discovery for me as I continue to learn and explore the word choice and just all that comes with making choices.

What does the word choice mean to you?

Do you find it easy or difficult to make choices – specifically emotional choices?

Do you make choices truly based on own feelings/wants or what others feel/want?